I do or I dont
Recently I have been attending quite a few "weddings" or rather lobola negotiations and settlements (if you would rather have me put like that.) See the reason Im taking such careful notes is that my man has popped the BIG QUESTION and me being me, I dont want to make horrid mistake of going in unprepared. In any case the types of marriages that I witnessed left little to be desired. let me give you a back track of what I saw:
marriage 1:
In SA we have a tradition that the man that is intending to marry should pay a certain amount, "bride price" so to say. The case with this couple is that the woman is a coouple of years older than the man. He is not so financially stable but the missus want to get married, the "resonable" solution? get the missus to pay half of the bride price!! I must say though the "ceremony" they had was so boring and sad. None of the guys family was there (I heard that they didnt know about the whole thing until a week later?!?) the missus was treating the guy like a moron because he "failed his manly duties of marrying her"-in essence she married herself! Anyway my point in this case is why do it when you cant afford to do it? really no matter how much you want to get married, you dont wnat up with a cahs strapped person with a dented ego.
marriage 2:
This is a really funny one, this guy is simply marrying this woman because they have been together forever and it was the next step to take. Mind you this very fool, has proposed to his other concubines while still with the 'first lady.' I dont really understand the rationale behind all of this but I know for sure that this union was ok before the marriage thing came along. Woman started changing and become a typical housewife. didnt want him going out anymore, didnt want him to drink and stuff. things they used to do together....i guess in this case she is "trippin".
marriage 3:
Is probably how we are all going to end up if we are not careful. This couple have genuine love for each other, the problem is that they have become cormfortable with the idea that the other is there. This has come to a point where they have neglected their 'lovers' relationship and have rather become good buddies. The consequence of such is dire....this is where the cheating starts. The lady we were with had just gotten engaged to her "soul mate" but was with her "body mate" behind the bathrooms at the local club.
The idea here is not to discourage anybody from getting married but rather have a look around you and learnt from their dumb mistakes. Marriage is something too big to be called a mistake. So the question still remains-what is mariage?
love always
K*
